she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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