Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
