I must be too annoying 4 u.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Every concussion has its silver lining
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
