Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
