I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
