morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
