Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
In America we eat man semen.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
i need some magic done to my vagina
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize