The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
