these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Randomize
