Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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