I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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