evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up under a house in Key West
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