I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
