I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
