sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I need to sanitize my soul.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
