Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
