My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Randomize
