Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
