The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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