No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Someone shattered a urinal.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Mom said you looked used
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
