Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
she looked like the before picture.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
