I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Randomize
