You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
