Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
