I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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