I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
