so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
