I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
he wants to bone in the snuggie
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
