Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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