Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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