is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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