I think I am morally bankrupt
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
