I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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