grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Randomize