Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Life is so much better after having sex.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
