Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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