Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
