Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
