what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
