ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I want you more than these girls want KFC
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
