she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
