I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
