No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
