Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
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