Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
