Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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