could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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