Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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