Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
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