I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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