I hope my margaritas pass through security.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
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