woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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