now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
