if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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