is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
