dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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