Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
