Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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