girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Randomize
