You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize