please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
