so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
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