the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
