I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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