Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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