No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
