You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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