Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
