I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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