two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
