he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize